Monday, 30 July 2012

Soap Box Special: Random Side Effects of Having an Enviable Fro


        As your guide to an enviable fro, it is my duty to inform you of the consequences of an awe-evoking globe. As part of my woolly- haired flock, don't say I didn't warn you. I have prepared a list, albeit mostly tongue-in-cheek:

  1. You WILL stand out in a crowd. If you crave attention every time you step out of the house, well this is perfect. I have yet to understand the mass appeal of an afro. Maybe it's because human beings like circles. I may have to do more research on Gestalt psychology to form a meaningful hypothesis on this. Until then, don't rob a bank because you will most likely be remembered. 
  2. You make new friends easily. Many people apparently want to be friends with someone with a fro. Use this to your advantage. Make connections and network! Instead of a foot in the door, you will have a fro in the door. Figuratively, I hope, because doors can do some major fro damage 
  3. People may assume that you are an extrovert. Big hair = big personality, right? If you are an extrovert (meaning you get energy from spending time with others), you are good to go. If you are introverted, like myself, be prepared to be called aloof when you are not as "out there" as your hair would suggest.
  4. You may contemplate opening a petting zoo. People will want to pet you! That request comes up so often that I have thought about charging people for touching (read petting) my fro. One of two things happen when you state a price: they don't touch your hair or you make some quick cash. Win win if you ask me! Sometimes, I wish more people took option two:P  
  5. You gain a couple inches. Even if you are already tall and might not need the extra inches, your hair will give the illusion of added height. If you're short and want to look taller, this side effect is definitely a perk.
  6. Hipsters will try to date you. I have to shoo hipsters away on a regular basis. They like novelty and retro. However; not really into cutoff shorts, ironic mustaches, and spending a majority of my time at Little Five Points.  
  7. Very hard to ride a motorcycle! Forget helmet head. Your biggest concern would be to get the darn helmet on in the first place. If you are fool hardy enough, I hope you're not claustrophobic, 
I'll add to this list as I think of more. Until then laugh a little!
Fro Envy 

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